GRACE
A modern phenomenon is the role counseling plays in the
lives of people. Some have held regular sessions with counselors for years. One
person told me that he didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t have his
weekly session with his counselor.
In this issue I will explore the need for counseling in
light of the Scriptures, especially as it relates to grace. The grace of God
relates to His Sovereignty and should impact the believer in the area of his
need for counseling.
A group of secular intellectuals gathered at the Aspen
Institute in Aspen, Colorado, last summer to discuss the role specialists play
in fostering the need for counseling. The technical term, “iatrogenic,” means
“a doctor-induced illness, the solution that causes additional problems.”
Richard Farson, a psychologist in attendance, was quoted as saying, “Where do
we get the idea that our marriages should have perfect communication, hot,
kinky sex and fulfill our every need all the time. Psychology. Psychology is
probably the single greatest reason for divorce!”
I suggest that although psychology feeds the problem,
the problem itself finds its origin in man’s quest for autonomy. This desire to
run one’s own life first finds its expression in Adam and Eve eating of the
tree of knowledge of good and evil. As noted in the September, 1990, issue of
the Dear Co-Laborer’ letter, the Temptation of Genesis 3 had nothing to do with
knowing right from wrong, but with deciding what is good (i.e. what is in my
best interest) and what is evil (i.e. what is not in my best interest).
God said that man can have anything he wants, but that
He wants to define man’s best interest. Man’s rebellion is a quest for
autonomy.
At least three things are necessary for man to succeed
in being autonomous:
1) Egalitarianism. The philosopher Rousseau, in his
autobiography Confessions, argued that in order for man to achieve his
potential he either had to live in isolation or, if in community, practice
egalitarianism by sharing the common good with the common man. Without
believing in either the God of the Scriptures or the depravity of man, he
understood that man is capable of hurting his fellow man. The fur trapper
living in the mountains of Colorado a hundred years ago didn’t “sin” against
his fellow man; he never saw people. Egalitarianism was the only solution to
man’s quest for autonomy while at the same time living in society. This makes
socialism an attractive philosophy to the intelligentsia.
2) A lack of accountability. True freedom is possible
only if man is not held accountable for the consequences of his actions. We
will take a closer look at this later in the article. However, by way of example,
promiscuous people are insistent that AIDS is a disease that is not tied to
aberrant behavior, believing rather that it claims its victims
indiscriminately.
3) Control. Events over which a person has no control
threaten autonomy. This is why a great deal of time is devoted to
self-protection and why we have become a litigious society. When others hurt us
in any way, such as a doctor, auto accident, or break of contract, we sue.
You can see that “a lack of accountability” and
“control” are contradictory. I want others to be held accountable for the
consequences of their acts while not wanting to be accountable myself.
Autonomy is a fundamental drive. Its presence in Adam
and Eve before the Fall makes it obvious that God created us with this desire.
At the heart of all interpersonal relationships is volition, i.e. what makes
the relationship meaningful is the fact of choice. God wants man to voluntarily
surrender to Him.
But God has also designed life in such a way that the
failure to submit is the path to self-destruction. Society has always known the
importance of authority. Institutions of every kind have at their core the need
to submit. People who make a god of their freedom tend to self-destruct. We all
know people who defy every form of authority, refusing to learn from their pain
the need to yield to leadership.
Autonomy produces broken relationships and
“dysfunctionalism,” which in turn produces a further lack of trust in
authority. Thus the problem feeds on itself. The personal hurt that autonomy
produces substantiates the need for autonomy.
The intelligentsia are smart enough to understand their
need to submit to authority, but are
committed to creating a system in which they are in
charge. Like a friend of mine once said, “I am against bishops unless I can be
one.”
A friend who has his Ph.D. in psychology said that the
counselor has replaced the pastor as the confidant of the people. He is the
high priest of the secular society. Many seek him for instruction on how to
have autonomy without accountability. Calling a character defect a disease
accomplishes this.
An article by Erica E. Goode, in the February 10, 1992,
issue of U.S. News and World Report, entitled “Sick, or Just Quirky?”
points out that in 1917 the American Psychiatric Association included 59 forms
of mental complaint. In their latest version of the “Diagnostic and Statistical
Manual of Mental Disorders” the list has grown to 292.
The author continues, “Cynics question how heavily such
decisions are influenced by factors that have nothing to do with science - for
example, social mores, psychiatrists’ wish to be seen as “hard” scientists,
economic motives or the idiosyncratic views of prominent experts. As one
psychologist says, ‘It’s a very political process.”’
Goode uses the illustration of the removal of
homosexuality from the psychiatric manual in 1973 and inclusion of “nicotine
dependence.” “ The splendor of human diversity thus runs the risk of becoming
simply a collection of syndromes and disorders.”
One of the author’s most telling comments is, “Not only
does it suggest that any departure from happiness is abnormal, it also shifts
responsibility away from the individual, encouraging people in the questionable
belief that life’s difficulties are readily fixed by experts. And, of course,
creating a new diagnosis gives doctors one more condition to treat.” (Emphasis
mine.)
Counseling seeks to answer the “why” of the “what.” For
example, if I am a co-dependent, the counselor can help me by showing that my
symptoms are the product of an abusive father. Having understood how I came to
develop my problem, I can confront the cause by talking about it with my father.
Understanding why I am the way that I am, steps to correct my problem can now
be taken.
I remember reading an
article in which the author suggested that only about four percent of the
population is mentally healthy. Ninety-six percent are dysfunctional to one
degree or another. Although you may be a bit dubious, as am I, we know that in
one sense a malady infects 100 percent of the people. If this were not true,
the death of Christ would be unnecessary.
Anyone with eyes to see knows that we live in a world of
hurting people. You cannot be in the people business without encountering
evidence of the carnage of sin. A lot of people’s time and energy is spent
trying to deal with the product of bad decisions, both in their own lives and the
lives of those that impact them.
Counseling can provide a tourniquet for these people,
but it cannot provide a cure. Only Jesus can cure. If the pain is the product
of personal sin, then repentance and restoration are necessary for a cure.
Since it is against God that we have sinned, only He can forgive and heal. (We
will explore this further in the next issue.)
If the pain is the product of the sin of others, then we
need to understand that God authored the pain. God does not delegate our
destinies to others. He is to “blame” for the hurt that comes into our lives,
even though other people seem to bring it upon us. As God said to Satan in Job
2:3:
And the LORD said
unto Satan. “Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him
in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth
evil? And still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against
him, to destroy him without cause.’
We return to the two foundational pillars in the
believer’s relationship with God: In His sovereignty He is in control, and in
His goodness He has our best interest at heart. Only by believing this can a
cure of our malaise be obtained.
For the purpose of the argument, let’s imagine that I
have an alcoholic father, my mother was a whore and my uncle sexually molested
me as a youth. Spiritual and emotional healing can only take place when I
acknowledge that God in His providence gave me my parents and uncle. God gave
them to me because He is a good God and understands that living in that
crucible is for my benefit, best preparing me for an eternity with Him. In
short, my family is an expression of God’s grace!
In II Corinthians 12:9 Paul says:
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for
thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I
rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
In the midst of suffering, is the grace of God
sufficient?
A friend of mine went through a hurtful divorce.
Although there are always two sides to a conflict, I think it is safe to say
that the sin was primarily that of the partner. My friend said that never again
would he trust another person. The intensity of the pain made him feel the need
to insulate himself from the possibility of it happening again.
Maybe God wants him single the rest of his life. A
cursory reading of I Corinthians 7 affirms this possibility. But to isolate
one’s self in order to escape pain is an unbiblical motive. God wants us in the
people business. However, when becoming intimately involved in the lives of
others there is no way to escape hurt. Only by believing that God orchestrates
such pain can I experience the sufficiency of His grace.
Another friend experienced financial disaster. He said
that the pain was so severe that he was going to work his way out of debt and
never allow himself to be exposed to it again. Maybe God wants him debt free,
but never as an excuse to avoid pain. Nor does God want him to retreat to the
mountains in quest of the simple life style. The quest for the simple life is
to hide his talent, as did the unfaithful steward in Matthew 25:24-30.
God doesn’t want us to retreat from pain. He wants us to
grow in our suffering. This can only happen by understanding that God brought
this pain into our lives as an expression of His grace. Satan and the actions
of evil people may function as agents of God, but Biblically they are never the
first cause. God is!
Nor does God want you to vent your spleen on the people
who have brought pain into your life.
Nothing good is served by your reliving the past and
reviewing your pain. Paul says in Philippians 3:13-14:
“This one thing I do, forgetting those things which are
behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward
the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
Grateful
for His leadership,